THE ZINE IS COMPLETED!!!!!1!!!1!

8 02 2010

My ‘zine has been completed after much wailing and gnashing of spellchecker.

In keeping with the “old-school” tradition, internet copies are not available (yet) so email me your address and you will receive a glorious ‘zine with all the fun that entails.

Zine!

(I will make it available for interwebbings later)

By the way, if you contributed something (you know who you are) let me know and I will arrange for a “special” version to be sent to you post-haste.

Finally, there’s no much about lesbian and chocolate cake in there. Or is there?





Stationery Club AKA A Pun Involving Pens Escapes Me

5 02 2010

As promised (well probably not) here is my full report on the coming and goings of #stationeryclub.

I left work with plenty of time to spare but not enough time to go home first. So I went slowly in the direction of Great Portland Street stopping off for a coffee on the way.

I drank the coffee, remarkedly remembering my loyalty card (even though I am loyal TO NO COFFEE SHOP) and heading towards Oxford Street thinking about sandwiches, having a piss and getting some money out.

This first of these was achieved by stopped at a sandwich shop, the second by sneaking into a busy pub and the third by queing for what felt like forever at a cashpoint on Oxford Street itself.

I still had time to kill, so I went into Muji and bought some pens, obviously, this time including some kind of marker/felt-tip that didn’t seem to work very well but promised that if you bought others in the set you could mix colours and no mixing would happen. I was keen to try this out, but decided this could wait for another time.

I went into the pub, bought myself a drink and looked for the group of odd looking people with many pens, as I assumed all #stationeryclub affectionadoes must look like.

I found them.

Pens were discussed and other items of stationery and other non-stationery related things.

  1. Are people who like stationery more likely than the general population to be left-handed? This thesis was supported with some exceptionally dodgy statistics.
  2. Why are the pens in Rymans London Wall often rather grubby?
  3. Can you use a green pen and not be the kind of person who writes mental letters to newspapers?
  4. Should shirts and ties co-ordinate? The answer was yes.
  5. We always end up shouting at quiz machines in pub.
  6. Oh where oh where is the tube to Wimbledon?

There was an awkward moment when the radio 4 Tweetup arrived and gave us evil looks for daring to steal the best set of chairs in the pub.

I had some beer and then some gin, failing dismally to have a lager drink and a cider drink etc. etc. Thankfully.

Wowser drew a picture of me. Here it is, the resembalence is uncanny. In case you hadn’t realised it was drawn with the very pen I’d just bought from Muji.

I’m still using my doggy avatar.





Be Mah l33tist

31 01 2010

I’ve long considered that the idea state of affairs is to be a snob exactly the same amount of the time that you are a reverse snob. Then they cancel each other out and you can take your place as a well-adjusted member of society. The problem with this idea is that they don’t cancel each other out. Both snobbery and reverse snobbery require you to sneer at other people’s personal taste, although the assumptions are different the methodology and end result are the same.

The best approach is surely to be overtly concerned with your personal taste, unsure if it is the right one: “What if the masses are right and my currently enjoyed artistic endeavours are limited to merely the self-indulgent and the idiotic?” or conversely “What if my personal taste is just what the masses like and I have no individuality?”

That is the way to salvation.

Put it this way, if someone makes references to the awfulness of mass taste and the peasents they should be ridiculed. But so should the reverse.

Bearing this in mind, what are you current highbrow and lowbrow recommendations?





RIP JD Salinger

28 01 2010

I have just heard that JD Salinger has died.

I was just talking about him the other day.

I privately say to you, old friend, please accept from me this unpretentious bouquet of very early-blooming parentheses: (((( )))).

UPDATE: The New Yorker have published several stories on line.





Alternative Press Fair

24 01 2010

In February last year I went to the Alternative Press Fair, taking place near Euston Station. It was an interesting event with lots of people selling their home-made quirky “zines”. To see people doing it in this computer age was a rather nice thing for me, and the people selling vegan cakes and the open bar just added to the experience.

Now the next version is due to take place on Saturday February 13th. I will be going again and feel that this time I should take part more in the spirit of things.

Some of you may recall my short-lived experimental blog “The Lesbian’s Guide to Boys & Chocolate Cake” the title of which was inspired by a gay sex advice columnist in a womans’ magazine, only reversed and well, cake. I like cake. Nothing really to do with the Aeolic.

I am going to revive this title and attempt to produce a “zine” to show to people at this press fair thing. Whether they think it is any good, I don’t know, but I’ve just bought a new printer cartridge ESPECIALLY. And telling you all about this means I HAVE TO DO IT.

I have a request. If anyone reading this has any interesting writings, drawings etc. they’d be happy to submit to an actual god-damned honest zine, I would be delighted to hear from you.

Otherwise I’m going to have to write the thing on my own, which is possibly less fun.

Subject: anything really. But more specifically here are some random topics to start you off. Use them or ignore them.

  • A: the Attic sea
  • B: Battenburg
  • C: Classics and classism
  • D: Doughnuts
  • E: Jacob Epstein
  • F: Footnotes
  • G: Theophile Gautier
  • H: Hexachordal inversional combinatoriality
  • I: Illinois
  • J: Jaffa Cakes
  • K: Knitting
  • L: Lardy cake
  • M: Medea
  • N: Jeff Nuttall
  • O: Orlando
  • P: Cayce Pollard
  • Q: Ann Quin
  • R: Rissoto
  • S: Stationery (of course!)
  • T: Tunisian crocheting /or Turkish delight
  • U: Underground car parks
  • V: Victor
  • W: Weasels
  • X: Xylophone
  • Y: Neil Young
  • Z: Zeno

Email:  billy DOT williwaw AT gmail DOT com

Persuasion: DO IT DO IT DO IT

The only incentive I can offer is a free copy and the opportunity to see something you’ve written printed on someone else’s printer.





Sometimes The Headlines Write Themselves

20 01 2010

Imagine the headline in the Mail if she’d worked at Primark. Oh yeah, there wouldn’t have been one.





If You Have No Ice Cream I Will Give You Some

19 01 2010

It took me ages trawling though the works of JD Salinger (admittedly not the most prolific of authors) to find this tale which I now humbly submit for your consideration.

Duke Mu of Chin said to Po Lo: “You are now advanced in years. Is there any member of your family whom I could employ to look for horses in your stead?”

Po Lo replied: “A good horse can be picked out by its general build and appearance. But the superlative horse – one that raises no dust and leaves no tracks – is something evanescent and fleeting, elusive as thin air. The talents of my sons lie on a lower plane altogether; they call tell a good horse when they see one, but they cannot tell a superlative horse. I have a friend, however, one Chin-fang Kao, a hawker of fuel and vegetables, who in things appertaining to horses is nowise my inferior. Pray see him.”

Duke Mu did so, and subsequently dispatched him on the quest for a steed. Three months later, lie returned with the news that lie had found one: “It is now in Shach’iu,”

“What kind of a horse is it?” asked the Duke.

“Oh, it is a dun-colored mare,” was the reply. However, someone being sent to fetch it, the annual turned out to be a coal-black stallion!

Much displeased, the Duke sent for Po Lo. “That friend of yours,” he said, “whom I commissioned to look for a horse, has made a fine mess of it. Why, lie cannot even distinguish a beast’s color or sex! What on earth can he know about horses?”

Po Lo heaved a sigh of satisfaction. “Has he really got as far as that?” he cried. “Ah, then he is worth ten thousand of me put together. There is no comparison between us. What Kao keeps in view is the spiritual mechanism. in making sure of the essential, he forgets the homely details; intent on the inward qualities, he loses sight of the external. He sees what he wants to see, and not what he does not want to see. He looks at the things he ought to look at, and neglects those that need not be looked at. So clever a judge of horses is Kao, that he has it in him to judge something better than horses.”

When the horse arrived, it turned out indeed to be a superlative animal.





She Blinded Me With Science

18 01 2010

Well, as anyone knows, today is the most depressing day of the year. At least according to Cliff Arnall, freelance happiness guru and promoter of Sky Travel.

The Telegraph now gleefully reports that he has changed his mind and we should ignore it. (As an aside, I think listening to Abba is the obvious approach.)

I fully agree, Telegraph, but only if I can also refute the claim that women prefer fitting into jeans to sex (SPONSOR: SPECIAL K CEREAL), Twitter costs the economy £1.38bn (SPONSOR: MORSE IT CONSULTANTS), you can calculate the perfect hourglass figure (SPONSOR: ASDA) and my personal favourite one, Snow days cause you to cheat on your significant other (SPONSOR: ILLICIT ENCOUNTERS DOT COM)

Besides which the following equation proves the most depressing day ever is the day after your birthday

Let \phi_s,\lambda_s;\ \phi_f,\lambda_f\;\! be the geographical latutude and longitude of two points (a base “standpoint” and the destination “forepoint”), respectively, and \Delta\phi,\Delta\lambda\;\! their differences and \Delta\widehat{\sigma}\;\! the (spherical) angular difference/distance, or central angle, which can be constituted from the spherical law of cosines:

{\color{white}\Big|}\Delta\widehat{\sigma}=\arccos\big(\sin\phi_s\sin\phi_f+\cos\phi_s\cos\phi_f\cos\Delta\lambda\big).\;\!

The distance d, i.e. the arc length, for a sphere of radius r and \Delta \widehat{\sigma}\! given in radians, is then:

d = r \Delta\widehat{\sigma}.

This arccosine formula above can have large rounding errors for the common case where the distance is small, however, so it is not normally used. Instead, an equation known historically as the haversine formula was preferred, which is much more accurate for small distances:

{\color{white}\frac{\bigg|}{|}}\Delta\widehat{\sigma} =2\arcsin\left(\sqrt{\sin^2\left(\frac{\Delta\phi}{2}\right)+\cos{\phi_s}\cos{\phi_f}\sin^2\left(\frac{\Delta\lambda}{2}\right)}\right).\;\!

Historically, the use of this formula was simplified by the availability of tables for the haversine function: hav(θ) = sin2(θ/2).

Although this formula is accurate for most distances, it too suffers from rounding errors for the special (and somewhat unusual) case of antipodal points (on opposite ends of the sphere). A more complicated formula that is accurate for all distances is the following special case (a sphere, which is an ellipsoid with equal major and minor axes) of the Vincenty formula (which more generally is a method to compute distances on ellipsoids):

{\color{white}\frac{\bigg|}{|}|}\Delta\widehat{\sigma}=\arctan\left(\frac{\sqrt{\left(\cos\phi_f\sin\Delta\lambda\right)^2+\left(\cos\phi_s\sin\phi_f-\sin\phi_s\cos\phi_f\cos\Delta\lambda\right)^2}}{\sin\phi_s\sin\phi_f+\cos\phi_s\cos\phi_f\cos\Delta\lambda}\right).\;\!

If r is the great-circle radius of the sphere, then the great-circle distance is r\,\Delta\widehat{\sigma}\;\!.

CAN I HAVE LOADS OF MONEY NOW PLEASE CLINTON CARDS HEFFER IS TOTALLY IN THE TANK FOR THIS THANKS





Someday My Pilot V5 Hi-Tecpoint 0.5 Will Cover The Earth

14 01 2010

For those of you who like stationery (and let’s face it, who doesn’t?) Stationery Club is now in business on Flickr.

You should keep up to date with the latest going on on Stationery Club by checking out Twitter.

And for more detailed information, James Ward has more.





This Whole Place Reeks Of Sanctity

11 01 2010

What with my New Year’s Resolution to be more contemplative*, on Sunday I headed for the National Gallery to catch a bit of Spanish religious art.

If you are in the vicinity (you’ve only got 2 weeks) I recommend checking it out.

I decided against getting the audio guide as those things tend to interfere with my standing there and watching, and also shunned the little book (although I did pick one up afterwards so I could remember where everything was)

I was introduced to the Miracle of the Lactation:

Spendid aiming there from the Virgin, I can’t help but think.

Also there was a very realistic looking head of John the Baptist, to which I of course immediately thought: “Ah! j’ai baisé ta bouche, Iokanaan, j’ai baisé ta bouche.“**

Other highlights included this of Mary Magdalene, to which I overheard someone remark: “She’s really pretty”

She looks rather angst-ridden to me, but not as much as this chap: (Saint Francis)

There were many statues and paintings of Christ looking rather pained and even a full sized corpse.

I spent a while just staring and being contemplative. A very good thing to do.

* It isn’t really that of course, but telling people all about your New Year Resolutions is about equally to describing your dreams in detail, i.e. tedious beyond all belief.

** This is a bit of a lie. The English came first, then the German (thanks to Strauss) and I had to look up the French.