This Weekend I Was Mostly Doing The Following Things

I visited my parents in the south west this weekend, and somehow I managed to do the following things:-

• Drank four different porters.
• Ate a curry cooked by my brother.
• Saw Alfie Allen’s willy.
• Helped my parents buy a camper van. By standing there drinking vending machine coffee and eating crisps.
• Sat next to one person who stared into space and one who read the Rough Guide to Spain on my train journey – both who did Bath-Paddington.
• Felt hot. A lot.
• Installed the Japanese language set on their computer.
• Gave my nieces free rein of my coloured pencils, one of which, I was thrilled to discover, endorsed Howletts.
• The cheese, oh God, the cheese!
• I didn’t even manage to sit there for the whole afternoon on Saturday reading the paper.

If I have to do anything this weekend, I’ll be very annoyed.