Where Smart Men Would Dispense Doses Of Smart Cash-Chemistry

When I finally get to open up my own chemist shop, I know exactly what it’s going to be like: shaped like a human body with the relevant medication located in the appropriate part of the shop.

You walk in and find yourself near the athlete’s foot powders and corn plasters, move up through the knee supports, up to the condoms and constipation remedies, through the cough syrups up to the lip gloss and shampoo. It’s the perfect lay out.

I thought about this today when I was in the queue at Boots. It’s always busy there, mainly because they also do food. Annoyingly, they don’t sell food with crushed-up pills in, this would be quite appropriate.

Yes, I’d like a crayfish and rocket salad sandwich with tons of ground-up valiums in please.

Anyway… in the queue I was stood by the constipation remedies which are right next to the diarrhoea remedies, as they would be in my hypothetical chemist. The promotes a probably unlikely situation where, in a rush you get the wrong one, making an already bad situation even worse.

As far as I can tell, there isn’t another pair of medicines or conditions that would cause this. If I bought some haemorrhoid cream and I didn’t have piles, it’s not going to cause piles to appear although I used to think this happened when I was young.

Say I didn’t want to go to school and I said I had a headache, but didn’t, and was given a aspirin, this would cause me to get a headache, presumably serving me right in a kind of poetic justice type situation.