Why I Want To Fuck Ben Goldacre

I’ve been reading curly-haired egghead and Guardian columnist Ben Goldacre’s book and have been finding it very entertaining (with the exception of the bit where he remarks, almost in passing about how exams are getting easier without so much of a sniff of a relevant footnote or citation in the style of all the the nutritionists and homeopaths he complains about throughout but that’s by the by) and have actually learnt quite a lot as well as having most of my prejudices confirmed, which is always a pleasant experience.

Problem is, every time I read anything that resembles a scientific study, I always find myself thinking about this:-

Patients were provided with assembly kit photographs of sexual partners during intercourse. In each case Reagan’s face was super imposed upon the original partner. Vaginal intercourse with “Reagan” proved uniformly disappointing, producing orgasm in 2% of subjects.

Axillary, buccal, navel, aural, and orbital modes produced proximal erections. The preferred mode of entry overwhelmingly proved to be the rectal. After a preliminary course in anatomy it was found that the caecum and transverse colon also provided excellent sites for excitation. In an extreme 12% of cases, the simulated anus of post-costolomy surgery generated spontaneous orgasm in 98% of penetrations.

Damned experimental novelists confusing science for me, even if they manage to tangentially inspire Joy Division songs.